Things You Can Learn From Me For Free!

I've lived a few years. Decades. When you get to be my age, you just have that feeling that everybody younger just doesn't get it. I don't know how some even function during the day with the lack of knowledge they have. I imagine it's pretty sparse in their head, but I'm here to fill it up! I've seen some things man! Things that can't be unseen. Bad things, BUT I've seen some fluffy bunnies, too! Bunnies are cute. That's the first thing you've learned from me, but wait, there's more! Read on...

• A skateboard will stop when it hits a rock. The end result will be a short Superman flight into traffic. People will laugh. Your pride won't be the only thing that gets hurt.
• It's hard to make a fried egg. It's either got that runny white stuff in it because you didn't leave it in the pan long enough, or the yolk is so hard it could be used as a weapon. My advice? Learn to love scrambled eggs.
• Ladybugs stink. Needs no further explanation.
• Write down the recipes, quotes, stories, etc. your parents and grandparents share with you. One day they won't be around and you'll forget all their wisdom.
• The sunrise is worth getting up early for. <---don't end a sentence with a preposition. Two lessons in one!
• I didn't like smoking. You won't either.
• It's normal to feel different. Actually, I encourage it! Be different!
• It's really not about who you know. You just think it is.
• Everyone needs something to believe in.
• If you kick a wall and your toenail falls off, another one will grow in its place.
• A flat tire is not the end of the world. Neither is a broken fingernail or a broken heart.
• Eating at McDonald's after your weekly weigh-in at Weight Watchers is not a good idea. I was doing good until someone led me down that greasy brick road to those golden arches. I ate those fries and never looked back!
• Vanilla extract, straight from the bottle, is not as yummy as it smells.
• When the dreaded Charley Horse strikes a calf muscle, don't jump up and dance around, just stay calm and pull your big toe up and towards you body. You'll pull it right out!
• A job is not going to come to your house to look for you. Freddy Krueger, Jason, and killer clowns won't either.
• We all want to be appreciated. We all want to be loved.
• Not all guys turn into drooling zombies when they see a boob. A pair of boobs is another story.
• Everyone makes mistakes. Yes, everyone.
• Not all women are the bossy, whiny, jealous nags you see on TV.
• Some people are just truly evil. They are here to teach us a lesson. Run.
• Kindness does matter and it is not a sign of weakness.
• You're never going to be 18 again, so stop it!
• Don't like something just because a cute boy likes it. You'll end up with a whole lot of Phish and Radiohead CD's that no one wants!

So, there you have it. My wisdom and it was completely free! I'm sure there's more you don't know, but I'll fill you in as the need arises. Your brain won't hold it all just yet. It's just like with exercise, you need to stretch first so you don't pull a brain muscle. Hope to see you soon!